Crazy is as Crazy do

I have been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of playing and a lot of working - hence, no new posts. I really need to get some more sleep, and today, I need a pedicure - so I think I'm headed there in a few mins.
There is part of me that is a really REALLY bad control freak - I need to know what will happen, at least a little bit, in my future. I want to know at least somewhat how things will go and plan based off of that. I have a hard very hard very very hard time letting go, letting the Lord take the reins and run the show. My life has been very blessed every time I choose to let Him lead my path and literally take my lame feet and walk them for me to the place they need to go. Most things in our family/life are really really good right now, but certain things recently learned about my health have made me reconsider everything: Schooling, My career, Jared's career path, Moving, etc. I really really truly don't know what to do, and I have to make very hard decisions.
I am not quite sure why I feel so alone, I think it is because I don't know how to communicate this worry and leave it with God. I feel all-encompassing panic a few times a day, and just simply turn that part of my mind off to move to other matters... work, sleepovers, going to provo - seeing a fun movie.
I think this is a good trick for survival under stress, although I wonder if it will last, and how it will all break down suddenly.
On Sunday much of my family will be fasting for me and my health. Jared's too. If anyone would like to pray for me and fast this Sunday with them, I need it. If for nothing else, to be sound of mind and learn all that I need to learn to make a good decision about managing my health care.