Making myself one, for once.

Readings make me think a lot when they are good. A recent funeral made my family members vulnerable enough to be honest and real with one another. The necessary respect that comes from truly needing someone and honestly asking them to be there because you trust them is something so beautiful. One would imagine this impossible in a family of strong wills. But miracles happen, even in tragic small airplane accidents.
There were tears in my eyes when the airmen who did fly-bys at johnny's wedding waved their wings at us, even though johnny himself was probably laughing at all of us for crying at his funeral.
What about family is so necessary to me, anyway? I realize lately that being my own best friend doesn't mean being completely individualistic and, therefore egotistic. I know how connected I am to other things and people. Everything is connected. Everything is beautiful. A rock or a flower. I need to be my own best friend and treat life as a thing that I don't control but that I live. I am thus more at peace and less at odds with the things that happen in it. Looking beyond the preconceived notions that have allowed me to make sense of things in the past. Or rather looking before them.
Imagine if you can just open a door, you will see an answer to a very important and vexing problem that is plaguing your consciousness. But all you really have to do is stop just before you open the door, and think about the feeling of discovery, the reason you are at the door and know that is the true answer you seek. The inbetween of your conscious thinking.


ps. yes