Things to think about

Today I was reading some things my sister wrote and I felt a little lost in my life, or I realized that I felt lost. I like that my church has a General Conference 2x a year to keep me centered, to bring me back to thinking about what God wants me to do, rather than what I want to do - or what I HAVE to do.
On that note - I'm going to listen to the Relief Society General Session today at work since I missed it on Saturday.
I often get bogged down by the immediate things in life - the tasks "at hand". Why is it that they seem to important? My work has basically consumed me whole for the past 3 months or so -- I work late almost every day and I get home, and then I eat and then I sleep and do it all over again. I am closer with the people at work than any of my friends outside of work because I have no time for them. The problem with coworkers is that they don't go all-the-way with you as a friend really. If one of you got laid off, or if one of you had an accident... would they call you anymore? I think there are a few people that are like that... but few, very few.
Last week I was hospitalized during my business trip in Boston, and I layed in serious pain for about 3 days. I was very sick with something--they diagnosed me with viral gastroenteritis--although I know they had no idea really what I had. My body is still so out of whack. My doctor will recommend, most likely, to move to the next tier of treatment for my disease - crohn's. I am not sure what to do, and I fear that I lack the ability to receive direction from God on this. I feel scared and far away from knowing what path to choose. I feel lost and alone in my suffering -- even with my husband and family's support.
As a woman, I have always cherished my ability to bear and birth children. I feel it is a special and unique gift that has been given to women and for that reason I have always been excited for that time in my life. I am currently in the best years of my life to do this, to be a mother and to carry my babies...and I can't. I am not healthy enough to do it. It feels like I am failing... or that I am broken. I have had experiences with the Spirit of God that lead me to believe that I will bear children and that I need to prepare. I am not sure when, or how, but I have felt that I will. I struggle to communicate about this with my husband... and anyone else, for that matter. And so, I feel like I could burst. Probably because I have no control over the situation and I am a controlling person.
I cannot wait much longer, I need guidance - I hope General Conference will bring me what I am seeking.

best new favorite

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A poem for Dr. Moore

I like him,
I hate him,
I feel really mad.
I feel a better today than yesterday
but then I feel really sad.
Maybe I'm too tired,
maybe I'm in pain.
Oh what a world of medicine
It really wracks my brain.
A fistula, infliximab,
a really tiny pill,
injectable, detectable
you may get TB again
can I even learn it all?
I surely don't believe
They don't know me
I don't think
not any more than me
or how much time I cry
Will I have kids? a surgery?
will I die of cancer?
or will it be alright?